Big Changes

So yesterday I went to Saint Joe with the expectation of taking my dad to the doctor. When I got there he was laying down in his bed (which isn't normal) with one pant leg pulled up, some cut up socks and tennis shoes that didn't fit on and a grey shirt. There was trash, food and his broken razor on the floor(which cost 180 bucks 2 months ago...). I was a little bit in shock. His knee was bright red and scabbed with infection that I wasn't aware of. The first thing he says to me is, "I can't go. I'm too sick." I turned around and walked back out to the nurses station to his nurse and said, "Holy shit. What happened?" She said, "It's been a rough week." So that's how it started.

Yesterday I just basically sat in his room while he slept and occasionally looked over at me and then went back to sleep. I asked him if we could just call and cancel the chemo and he said he didn't want to give up. After being there for about an hour I realized that there was no way in hell we were doing any more treatments, nor would it even be possible. He's not actually able to even stand up on his own let alone walk. He was very confused- couldn't carry on a conversation at all. He kept trying to use the urinal unsuccessfully which was pretty disturbing. I left for awhile to run some errands- look for some appropriate foot wear for him that he wouldn't fall in, and eat lunch with my cousins. While I was gone he fell again- 3rd time this week. I ended up calling the oncologist and discussing a hospice referral with them. They were pretty nice about everything. After I got it all arranged I went back to his room to sit some more and when he woke up I told him, "No more chemo- we're doing hospice." He said, "Ok." I stayed awhile longer and discussed a few things with the nurses and other people at the nursing home, and still fairly disturbed, had to leave to pick up the kids from school.

Today I had to go back to meet with the hospice folk at 1pm. On my way to Joe I got a call from the nurse that she was putting oxygen on him because he wasn't breathing well. This is all happening so fast. I got there and today he was basically unresponsive- he would wake up occasionally and say a few sentences, but not very much of it was even understandable. He mostly just sleeps. His knee is very infected and we did get them to clean it out and wrap it up a bit better. Hopefully the antibiotics will kick in and help out in the next day or two. His doctor was at the nursing home today so we saw him too- obviously he didn't have any fixes, nor were we looking for one. It seems to me that his body is just shutting down. He doesn't eat- he ate about 1/2 a cup of ice cream twice today and drank a little milk and orange juice, but unless you prompt him to do it, he just lays there. The hospice team was helpful and I think they'll make sure he has what he needs. Tomorrow he should get a new bed so he won't fall out of the one he has.

I decided to go ahead and come to Omaha with my family tonight after much deliberation. We are here- only 2 hours away from Joe. The kids will think it's a vacation regardless of how long we are here. We have changed our plans to try out the zoo tomorrow- I really just want to go back tomorrow evening. I know that things probably aren't going to be over tonight or tomorrow, but the last 2 days have been such rapid decline that I imagine the next two will be even more so. I am prepared for him to not be able to communicate or recognize us fairly soon. Tomorrow morning my grandma will sit with him and mom will go in the afternoon. I will probably just stay in Joe at some friends' house for a few days or until things level out- if they will.

So that's what's happening in my life right now. If anyone is reading and would like to see my dad while he is aware- they should go tomorrow.