Going to church

Today marks the day we are going to go to church when we can...the only thing bad about starting today is that next week I work, the week after that we are going to CA, then I'll have one week to go and then I work again. ACK! But you have to start somewhere, eh? So here we start. M is not thrilled about this dress thing- she can't crawl and it's royally pissing her off (as you can see).

10 Months

A side note- apparently I can't turn the video right side up- sorry!
Well, I did do a 10 month shoot, just no signage. The pictures aren't very good- as are all pictures I take of her right now. It's impossible to get a sweet one unless she's sleeping. She's so so busy. She runs away from me constantly. She doesn't even stop to eat, she just carries her bottle around with her in her teeth and will sometimes stop to take a drink or two. She'll walk around with it- she's getting good a drinking when she's standing up.
Mom and I took M to the Liberty Fall Festival today and walked around. We came home and walked like usual- I actually walked 6 days this week alone!). The weight gain is going better this pregnancy. Apparently my body likes carrying boys better than girls because it sure has been easier! But oh if God will only give me at least one more girl things will be perfect. Now B is happy with his boy (which I am actually quite happy about as well) but there's just something about that pink. I think this week I will go and look for fabric for his bedroom stuff.
So motor wise the only thing she can't do is stand up by herself without holding onto something. So this is what she does:
Crawl to the wall (or any other likely sturdy object)...Stand up and walk around...
Get to another wall to make sure we're really steady...Make a run for it!
So I was realizing the other day that she's nearly been here a year and I can't believe it. She's so big! She fills up her crib so much now and she's so tall. It's hard to believe she's that same tiny tiny baby. What's even worse is that you know that every year is going to go just as fast as this one and I think, will I even remember it all?? Am I taking the time to take it all in? I can't imagine what it'll be like with the little man here too. Crazy. She is all the joy in my life wrapped up into one. I can't imagine myself or my life without her. She is perfect.

Go NC!

Just a pic of sweet M in her NC attire. Hope she doesn't get called a boy! She is walking everywhere now- Whoever said walking is crazier than crawling they're nuts. She's MUCH slower now that she's walking than when she was supercrawling all around. If you've been to my house you can imagine- she'll now walk all the way from the kitchen island to the staircase!!

Tag

Val- I'll play :)

Here's the rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. List eight random facts about yourself.
3. If you're tagged, do the same thing on your blog.
4. At the end of your post, tag 8 people.


1. I once named a cat Cheese. He really looked like moldy cheese to me white gray and yellow- much to my sister's dismay. I think later on my parents and my sister renamed the cat- but to me the cat was named cheese. My sister still teases me about this at times.

2. I have obsessive compulsive disorder- very mild. I don't do weird things over and over again, it mostly has to do with needing to control all situations and becoming very very depressed if things aren't going exactly as they should. I become completely and all-consumingly obsessed with things until they can be carried out. This actually isn't a very random thing about me- it's pretty out there and I'm not shy about it. Prozac saves my life and makes me much more enjoyable to talk to and live with. Unfortunately you can't take Prozac when you're pregnant. How have B and I lasted the last 2 years (the first years) of our marriage?? God only knows. I have a very patient husband.

3. Most people know this about me but as it gets farther away, perhaps not. I took dance from 4th grade on and ended up teaching until the middle of my college years when I moved away from my studio. I actually choreographed dances for small children to perform in front of live audiences. Strange to think back on, and looking at my body type, you'd never guess it. It was completely my life in middle and high school.

4. I originally (and sometimes still) wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. I decided not to when I realized that once I was there I would be trapped in a room with several very small and mostly annoying 5 year olds for over 8 hours every day and I could never leave. Thank god for nursing, but it would have been cute still. I also felt too inadequate as far as creativity goes. Plus there's the money thing- although pediatric nurses aren't paid too well either- but overtime is bliss and always available. Too bad I didn't pick up that extra shift today or tomorrow. Dang.

5. I have had 4 ticks on my body in the last month...ok so that's not very reminiscent, but still I obsess over it. YUCK get them off! (only 2 bit, the others were crawling) Talk about being obsessed with OFF!

6. I am obsessed with bags of all shapes and sizes. This includes diaper bags. I am currently waiting on a mother from diaperswappers to make me one this winter and I can't stop thinking about it. This has been a long long obsession for me. I like pockets in them. For some reason this doesn't seem to extend to purses, only bags. Mira HAD 4 diaper bags but I did sell one of them. I used to have always more than one backpack for school of different pocket configurations, etc. I can't help myself. You should have seen the online research for the diaper bags. INSANE!

7. I have a tattoo on my left 2nd toe that is a ring. This surprises many people. I wanted a tattoo badly but couldn't decide on anything that I wouldn't grow to regret. Well, I still don't regret it and love it every time I see it. Good decision.

8. I think when I was 16 I dated a 21 year old guy that was really ugly and I'm not sure why I felt attracted to him, but anyway...I was a pretty good Christian girl- never been to a party, never messed around with a boy, etc...So, I was with some dance girls (we used to have slumbers) and they wanted some alcohol...so I got him to get us some beer and things and we had a slumber at my friend Molly's house. We hung out downstairs and some of them got trashed. I think I had maybe one wine cooler- I didn't even like to drink at this point. We went to bed and Molly's mom woke us up early the next morning SCREAMING at us! Woops! You see- Phyl (as we lovingly called her) was really a fat woman (well she still is, but we love her) and NEVER went downstairs because it was pretty steep and narrow...but she knew we were up to something so she did this morning. So then she called all the mothers and told them, except no one was telling where it came from...until "princess Leah" told her MOM! Stupid Leah. So I had to tell my mom that I had gotten it. I remember my mom saying "Why?? You don't even drink!" Yeah I know mom- at least she believed me when I told her the truth about things- because I really didn't drink. What a dumb idea.

I think my sister should participate in this one.

A disappointing experience at best...

Well- it's a boy- but as you can probably tell- there isn't much joy about the whole experience. These are the only pictures we got- (sorry I'm in a hurry so they don't look too great). Profile shots only- no shots of arms or hands or legs or sex organs- nothing.
I was excited because we were getting a level 2 exam- they don't do exams in our office so I had to go somewhere else. She looked at everything and was somewhat nice about telling me there were no spinal defects, two kidneys, brain looked good, she could see the heart...but they just kept saying, "Well, it's really early to see things well with you being off on your dates." Well I was freaking ONE week off- not two or three, ONE. I wasn't off- the doctor was...so not my fault. Still due around March 2. So she gets done after saying, "It looks like a boy to me (not there's the penis, etc)" and says "I'll go get the radiologist to go over the results with you." WHAT? What results?? Is there something we need to talk about?? Something bad??
So he comes in and basically says nothing..."Everything looks ok right now. But it's hard to tell this early what with you being off on your dates." AHHHH! So basically it was really unreassuring (if that's a word at all) and he wouldn't comment on the sex because we might sue him if he was wrong. They don't take pictures of that kind of thing. Nice. Nice bedside manner to state that he's not going to reassure me on anything because I might sue him. So I am highly disappointed. It basically made me feel like I needed a follow-up ultrasound in a few weeks when the dates were better. I called Dr Morris but I probably won't hear back from her for awhile. If you were wondering if there will be a 3D in the future- yes, there will- because THOSE people were VERY reassuring and definitely made me feel better.
The only thing I actually feel good about is there's no spina bifida...ok stupid I know, but I was really consumed by that this time (if you're reading this in the PICU you can use room 13 as a reference. And...it really is not a girl...not. Definitely a boy (If I can see anything I could see that whether he wants to comment on it or not).

Testing the bathtime limits, mom...

Ok, M gets a bath every single night- it's her routine. Bath, bottle, play and then bed. Well, her bath times get shorter and shorter because she really really wants to stand up and play- and not to mention she loves that silver shiny thing at the front of the tub. Someday she's really gonna knock her head on it. Here is a video of her testing the limits of "no no baby" - she knows all about it. Oh and the weird bye bye wave- she's still not very good at it with her right hand- it's backward...maybe she's a lefty?? We can only hope!!!

Excited??

No pics...again...I know I suck. Just wondering if everyone is excited about tomorrow morning?!?!??! Boy or girl? Peenie or no peenie? heh. Boy I think. B thinks girl but wants to think boy. We shall see! I am just hoping for everything in the right place. Getting more anxious by the minute. Hoping to get some sleep... We are talking names- but as you may remember from last time- nothing's true till AFTER the baby's born, so I won't bore you with it unless I know what it is for sure. This is your first warning that the blog will be changing. If it's a boy to www.smithbabies.blogspot.com... if it's a girl hopefully to www.smithgirlies.blogspot.com Cute eh?? B loves his girls. I will give many more warnings...I'll tell you a date later on. Look for Ultrasound pics tomorrow sometime. I'll do my best. Wish us luck- many prayers tonight for good anatomy! (not that it will change anything that's already there)

Rant

So- another post with no pictures of sweet M. Sorry. I'm here to tell you about my father. My father is someone who no longer exists on this earth. I grew up in a family where my mother was in love with the idea of what my father could have been. Alcohol took the good parts of my father and slowly drowned them throughout my life. Now, I feel, there is but a shadow of who and what he used to be.
I do remember a man, though barely, who would make us a platter on Sunday nights and we would all watch movies together. Someone who would grill us hamburgers and steaks and make chili on cold winter days. He was someone who would always give in if bothered enough by us. I remember "helping" him chop wood when we lived on a farm and I was prekindergarten age. I remember the songs he would sing me before bed when I was really little. I remember fishing with him at the lake, riding on the pontoon and swimming in the pool playing jaws. I remember helping him clean the pool when I was older. But isn't it sad that I don't remember very much else that's actually good? I also remember a man who was asleep in his chair every night by 8 or 9. A man who struggled with his weight to no end. Someone who "hurt" his back several times and couldn't function. Someone who always had something better to do than come see me or my sister preform in various activities. Someone who, in later years, I watched get sloppier, lazier, and sleepier- and his face grow redder and redder. For those of you who don't understand alcoholism, this was what it did to my father. These are the reasons that growing up most of my friends thought my parents were divorced. I never spoke of my dad- not because I was trying to hide something, but because he basically had no involvement in my life. My mother provided us with what we needed and wanted to do and he benefited from the life she created. Sure- he always worked and provided his income (which changed in later years) but that's pretty much where it ended.
My mom was always so good at hiding it from us. I don't really recall knowing that he was an alcoholic until I was in middle school and he was arrested (for the first time I was aware of). We never had alcohol in our house. My father was never abusive or loud- at least not to us. We did later find out that my mother suffered years of verbal and emotional abuse. Yet she stayed with him for 30 years- why? Because she was in love with the man under the alcohol- and here's where it's sad. My dad is smart, he's charming, he's fun to be around, he has a great heart and he loves children. Those things are nearly impossible to see. My father shaped my mother into someone who was constantly worried that she just wasn't good enough to make him happy. How sad for an incredibly smart and successful woman.
My mother did finally divorce my father after alcohol had completely destroyed him- he was no longer working or really doing anything except lying in bed in a drunken state. After two rounds of in patient treatment and a man who states, "I don't really WANT to stop drinking" where do you find the hope? He had spent their entire retirement and destroyed their lives.
So you ask- why are we discussing this now? Well- my father has married the biggest symptom of his disease. His girlfriend from AA- yes that's alcoholics anonymous. She's a perfectly nice woman whom mostly I feel sorry for, so really the feelings I have of wishing to completely cut off my relationship with him have nothing at all to do with her. It has to do with this as being the final proof that the man who was once my father is now completely gone- I can find absolutely no glimmer of the person he once was. So if you never hear me mention my dad- it's because he just isn't there any more. I really have no desire to ever see, talk to, or be around the man that he has become. That's not my dad. My father works at walmart and lives in a two bedroom apartment with a woman he married from AA. Sounds like a soap opera. For me to spend time with THIS person makes it ever so much harder for me to remember the man I can "almost" fondly think of as my dad. It would really be easier for me if he were actually gone. The saddest part of all? I was a daddy's girl.
I guess some of this is in the hopes that my husband will read it. He will never understand the feelings I have about this situation. He chastises me for not calling him back or wanting to see him. The problem is, he grew up in a household where his mother and father had extreme and mutual respect and love for one another. His father was always involved in their lives and still is very much. So I guess if you've never experienced dysfunction, you might not recognize it when you see it. I wish that he could understand, but I also feel very blessed that he can't. I feel very secure that my life will not turn out like my mother's- if I can do my best to not screw it up myself (not that your life is bad, mom, just not how you intended it to be). So that's my story. I guess....sorry for the length.

Bye bye puppy...

Well, Elizabeth went to live on the farm in Iowa with my aunt and uncle today. It's a sad day. I know some people think that I just wanted her to go. I have had people ask me why I even got a dog if I was just going to give her away- well my answer is that three years ago I had no idea that by this time I would be married and have "almost" two children. I also had no idea how much Elizabeth wouldn't like them... I'm going to miss her so much, but I know it's the right thing to do. She just pouts all the time here. Mira runs into her with her walker and tries to chase her and she just growls and runs away. It's awful. She was my baby...it's really hard to see her go. I put a lot of time and money into her- she was a big investment. Brooks swears we will NEVER have another dog...sometimes I get really nervous about that, but I guess that if that's the way it has to be it still doesn't change that it's the right thing right now. Brooks does feel really bad about giving her away too- he just says that if we give one away, we never need to have another one. We'll see what the future holds. I know he'll never let me have a cat either...which is something I knew when I married him I guess. Alright, I'm rambling. Keep E in your thoughts- I hope she's much happier there where she can run and play.

sleepy bear

Oh how I love her...

Night time booty

Ok- so I showed you yesterday- but look at this!! My friend Josie from work knitted these cute cute shorties (that's shorts that also work as a diaper cover) for Mira!! They fit like a dream and are SO CUTE! We'll see if we have any leaks tomorrow morning! Yeah, the diaper's a little front heavy, but she sleeps on her tummy, so most mornings the front is soaked and the back is dry. We have to load up in front!
(for Josie- she's wearing a reg pf with a preemie trifolded in and a cb fleece topped doubler on top snappied)

She WALKS!

You might want to turn down your volume for this one- there's some screaming in the background! heh.
So- she walks. About 12 or so steps at a time so far. She'll walk from toy to toy and her favorite is when she's holding onto something and she walks to you with a HUGE smile on her face laughing. It's so much fun! She's really good at stopping to catch her balance when she starts to fall. She's amazing. It's been a fun weekend around here. Look at how old her tiny face is!! We found out at the doctor on Friday that she's slipping on the weight chart- from 50% to 40%- woops! Well, she seems satisfied to me- just little. Only 17lbs 14oz! She's falling behind her friend Allie who's been neck and neck with her! Aunt Molly came to visit Mira this weekend. We didn't do too much. Went out to eat a lot! Saturday we went to STJ to see my dad and grandparents and then we picked up mom and went to see Grandma Betty. It was eventful. M showed off. When we got home we took a long walk- I had to put M in a jacket and have a blanket over her! It was COLD!
Today B put up a screen door in the back for us. It's excellent! Now we can keep from having the airconditioning on so much when it's cool out. She has this little musical chair that I got at a garage sale for 2 bucks. She's in love with it. It's practically the only thing she plays with. She learned to sit on the seat this weekend. It plays loud music. Great... She also learned how to stand up on the seat....oh and WE ARE BACK IN CLOTH!!! WOOHOOO!!!!! The smell of the disposable diapers in our trash is KILLING my pregnant nose. We've been wearing them for 2 weeks now! She has had a rash so bad it was bleeding in spots. Breaking my heart! I tried everything- finally a prescription cream and triple paste with acidophilus in her food is working. Her rash is nearly gone FINALLY except one little spot, so I think it'll be ok- I guess we'll see in the morning (just in case you didn't understand- you can't use those creams with cloth- it doesn't wash out).

So Smart

Well- it's not the weekend anymore- sorry... We had a busy one! Saturday mom and I went to garage sales. We bought M a slew of toys for very little cash! Score! Later that afternoon we went and got some trees for the yard and then took a long walk. Sunday we went over to some friends' house for the Chiefs game and then M went with Grandma to St Joe for awhile to see Great Grandma Betty. Yesterday started another three day stretch of working for me. I'm currently exhausted and am going to TRY to study for the CCRN exam as B and M went to Lowe's to get me a new screen door for the back!! WOOHOO!! Now we can open up the house and not have the air on all the time.
Guess who learned to pick up food and put it in her own mouth?!?! You guessed it!!! I always try for a day or two and then quit for a few days. So I put some food on her tray Sat afternoon and I'll be darned she picked it up and ate it!!! It seems she has turned the corner to feeding herself. Here she is Sunday morning feeding herself a cereal bar.Getting ready for the Chiefs party- M screamed for an hour in her crib and then slept for about 20 mins before this (little rat) and so she was grouchy. We couldn't leave until she'd had her bottle and stopped throwing a fit. Check out her new kicks from wal-mart! She has this little gum ball machine that she's always liked to play with. We are always trying to teach her how to do it, but she's liked just to play the music and then knock it over. Well today I got it out for her and she did it!! She picked up the ball, put it in the top, and then pulled the lever with no prompting!!! SO SMART! She did it over and over again. Still no walking- she takes steps all the time and stands for long periods without holding onto anything, but she's too chicken to take more than 2 steps so far. It won't be long I'm sure.

crazy mothers

Just incase you wanted to see some other crazy mothers who use prefolds...
http://karneskids.blogspot.com/
Although we use pins all the time now unless using a huge prefold (which I can't get the pins through the layers of) like at night. Isn't this boy cute?!

Last weekend

Ok, I suck I know. It's been forever since a post- sorry! We went out of town to NE MO last weekend to see B's family and then I worked the next three days. It's been awful. I've been in the worst mood. We had a good time last weekend though- I didn't take very many pictures unfortunately. Here are a couple of Mira and Grandpa. She sat on the tractor and on grandpa's motorcycle. No rides for awhile please!! I also got a tick bite that has had me worried. I ended up calling the dr today just to see if I should do anything instead of pretending it didn't happen.
Here are Mira and Mac kissing- so cute! They are 10 days apart. Tuesday we found out that the ultrasound for the new baby will be Sept 26th WOOHOO!! We are pumped to see this little bean. I am praying that everything is in tact and growing well. That's what's most important!! Pray for a good brain, heart, and spinal cord! Will it be a girl or boy??!?! B really wants a boy but I "not so secretly" want a girl. I guess that'll make it perfect either way! I'm getting super fat though- oh well- I suppose it'll pass just like it did last time. I can't believe how lucky I am to feel good this time. I certainly can't imagine feeling like crap and still having to take care of M while she's so little. She hasn't been feeling too well the past week- diarrhea, stuffy nose, etc. We finally got past the nose stuff, but I cannot seem to get her bottom to heal! It's really annoying to me. I finally got a prescription cream I need to take in for her.
Working the last few days has been torturous. I NEVER do three days in a row, but guess who got scheduled that way this week AND next week? AH! Plus I had a fight with one of our attending dr's for something that wasn't my fault- but it didn't change her anger at the situation...so that wasn't fun either. It makes you feel like you've screwed up even if you haven't. So I guess that's all I have to say for now...I'll try to do better this weekend at posting, but expect delays next week with my three in a row!!! Tomorrow we are going garage saling to look for a new crib (great- 2 in cribs...what were we thinking?!)