Embarrassment...

So, I've decided to embarrass myself I guess...It's 3 days before due date- not birth date, but due date. B wants to induce on the 4th, but we'll see how we feel when the 3rd comes around. I'm just not sure how I feel about it yet. This is the second morning I've woken up in the midst of a dream that I'm in labor. Yesterday just regular labor, today my water broke and they couldn't find my doctor. Both times the labor wasn't painful yet, so they really aren't nightmares, just irritating when I wake up fine! I will say that the stretching pains are starting to kill me at times. I start to get frustrated at the fat face, but then here's the comparison of M at 39 weeks (6 days before due date) and today:So I guess it's not as bad as I thought. I've gained about 30 this time- I feel good about that...as opposed to 47(.4) last!
Here's a bare pic from the other night...wooo...looks worse after I've eaten all day! I definitely feel like there's more baby in there this time. We'll see!
Me and M- the fatness really shows, but I couldn't help it- I didn' t have any pics of her and her bro yet. She always scrunches her legs up like a little frog to sit on top! We're getting ready to make one more outing alone before baby boy comes. We're headed to legends to hang out. It's supposed to be "nice"- near 50!

Peekaboo!

I couldn't resist these pictures tonight. M had on a onezie and I pulled her socks up to her knees. She was playing on my bed this evening as I was showing B the new website. I say "my" bed because "our" bed was making me absolutely miserable- it's basically a big pillow. My back was outrageously hurting every single day. I moved to the guest room a few weeks ago...it's much better. I can't wait to get to sleep however I feel like sleeping and go back to the coziness!

Are you watching me??? Covering up for the big reveal....Where's Mira??

HAAAHHH!! There she is!

So mirabrooke.blogspot.com is soon going to change to www.littlesmiths.com. I am currently working on getting things set up- but I thought I'd give you fair warning!! I hope to have things ready so that we can make the switch over right when little guy is born! You can check it out, but there's not much there!

And so we wait....

Just like with M, this baby sits high- apparently it's dark and tight in my pelvis and not so comfy, so my babies prefer to float. That's fine I suppose. Dr. M wasn't at the hospital yesterday, she was at an all day meeting...it was just a stupid mistake some office lady made. Of course, but whatever.

Today's appointment showed no changes which didn't surprise me in the least. That's ok. They're having a party for us at work this weekend anyway- so who'd want to miss it?! She didn't strip my membranes because he was sitting so high- neither of us wanted to risk a prolapsed cord and a brain damaged baby. I was also concerned that he was getting too big, but she thinks he's pretty average size- most likely bigger than M, but not too big. She thinks we probably have quite a bit of fluid since he's so floaty. That's good to hear.

I admit- I am also worried that this child's birth will go worse than it could because my anxiety may get the best of me. She knows this however, so I am hoping she'll help me out in this area. I am thinking about scheduling a massage and pedicure on Monday to help too. We talked and decided that I will come in on Monday (due date) with B and we'll discuss what we want to do from there. We can sit on him for awhile longer, or we can go ahead and induce the next day, wed or thurs- as we wish really. Robin is off on Thurs so I think out of niceness I'll try to avoid that for her.

I still don't want to induce, but I'm coming around...my thoughts are this: I just want him to be ready. According to MY calculations, M should have been due on the 27th...the dr's gave us a 25th due date. She STARTED to come on the 28th. Turns out I was closer than they were. According to my calculations this time he should be due on the 2nd...they gave me the 3rd as the date. So really- he should be ready by the 3rd. Any day after that I think will be ok.

So nothing exciting to report- sorry!!! I was thinking about working tomorrow, but I think I won't. I don't really want to. There are too many dying children there. I'll wait til the weekend! So that's that!

An irritating morning...

For those of you who don't know my personality intimately I will tell you a bit about my shortcomings. I am easily irritated, have diagnosed obsessive compulsive disorder (though mild), appreciate instant gratification and have very limited patience....I'm sure I could think of more that could apply to this story to follow.

So I get up early today and have B stay home a little late to watch M so I can take a shower and get ready to go. I drop her off at Pepper's and head to the clinic for my appointment. I get there to check in and I say, "Hillary Smith, Dr. Morris." She says, "Hm. She's not here today, let me check on something. We have you down for March 26th." EXCUSE ME?! So when the lady made my "ONE WEEK FOLLOW UP" appointment, she instead made it for one week and one month. GREAT! So the lady apologetically tells me that Dr. Morris isn't even in today. I say, "Well, she always works on Tuesdays. She isn't here?" She says, "No, not today." Fabulous. I nearly burst into tears. Of course they won't tell me why (which I completely understand but it irritates me anyway). So the lady calls the scheduler who says they can get me in tomorrow probably. I say in an irritated voice, "I'm DUE next Monday...could it be early please??" So that's it- tomorrow at 9:15. It's terribly hard for me to hide my feelings- I have apparently inherited this trait from my mother, who has since learned to hide hers better than I can. God and I have discussed this patience thing again and again and each time I get it in my head to be impatient, he pulls out a nice little lesson like this one....the problem is I actually let myself have the thought yesterday, "What if she actually throws me into labor tomorrow?? That'd be awesome!!"

I decided that I would think positively. I know she had a lady who was due last Friday- perhaps they decided to induce her today and Dr. Morris is at the hospital, or perhaps the lady went into labor last night and she was up all night with her. Either way, if it were me in labor I would want her with me, not at the office seeing patients. So this is what I decided to believe.

However, it doesn't change the fact that it completely ruined my attitude for the day. We hung out at Pepper's for awhile and then came home. I fed M and laid her down (she hasn't slept for long and I hear her playing the drums on the wall...so I guess nap time is over). I ironed some shirts and cleaned a couple of the bathrooms. So that's that. I guess we wait another day. Not that it will change anything anyway. This child will come when he's damn well ready. That's the beauty of the "hardy stock" I come from. Apparently my husband comes from hardy stock as well, so we have no hope. Our babies will turn when they're supposed to, grow just like god intended, and stay put until they're good and cooked. I actually had a slight bit of hope that he "might" come early due to the short amount of time I allowed my uterus to rest, but no go. It seems my body was created to make children and bake them well. Thus, he'll be late I'm sure- just as I always knew in my heart anyway...I had to remind myself while standing in the shower scrubbing..."It's not March 7th...don't get all antsy yet..."

I'm going to take my child to Zona Rosa now and spend some cash...that'll make it better!

Sweet M...

Went to STJ tonight for Great Grandma's 84th bday. Here are the kids- they are so cute!
M fell asleep in the car on the way home and we really never got her to wake back up. She cried all through her bath and then fell asleep drinking milk right afterward. So cute.

A Really Good Day

So I know you'll all be glad to hear that today I feel like I have regained control of my daughter. She has returned to her old happy self. She is not crying every time she doesn't get what she wants, she's happy, agreeable, and fun to be with. All day yesterday I tried to talk myself into working today, and man, I can't express how glad I am that I didn't. I have really not wanted to be around her much lately as she has been so trying. It's a horrible feeling, but one I've had just the same.
Today she woke up at 6:45 as she's been doing earlier and earlier lately for some reason... She ate oatmeal for breakfast- I really wasn't sure how the day would pan out at this point. She wanted to eat it herself and would scream every time I touched the spoon...but by the time breakfast was over she ate all but the scrapings at the bottom of the bowl. GREAT! She was pleasant all morning and then took a nap from about 10-11:15- enough time for me to take a shower and get ready. I had a really crazy idea that it would be a good idea to take her out today...I'm not sure why as this has not been a pleasant experience for WEEKS, but I just wanted to get out with her today. We went to Panera (previously an awful experience). I got her a grilled cheese and SHE ATE IT! AH! Happily even!!! She sat there and looked around, smiled and giggled and ate her lunch. WOW! What an exciting experience. Then we went to JC Penney- we didn't find what we were looking for so then headed to BabiesRUs....got a couple of things and then headed home. It was such a pleasure to be out with her today. I feel like my child has returned to her body. I know that this is probably just a good day out of the blue and won't happen again for a long time, but my spirit really needed it. These are the things that make me love being M's mother...
Oh- she found the Moses basket in lil bro's room...she kept grabbing the blankets, laying down and saying night night. It was pretty cute. Now- it's not even 4pm and the day can go downhill quickly- which is exactly why I decided to post this NOW.

oh my...

Um...10? Crap!

The room...unfinished still.

Ok, so here's the room- still unfinished but usable at least. That was my main concern, so it'll be ok. I think I am going to order a picture from allposters.com. We have a train that I need a shelf for but I haven't been able to find one strong enough yet. Perhaps we'll just put the train on the shelf. We have two little peg stars that need to get put up on the wall. B made the shelf and I painted it- didn't we do a good job?! M thinks the chair is her new play place. I am intending on getting a slip cover for it, but I think it looks alright in the mean time! Still no bumper, pictures for the corner shelves, or stuff for the dresser top (I need to get some sort of organizer), but we're getting there.

Nothing exciting

So nothing really new to report...another day another doctor's appt. She comes into the room and says, "So I thought maybe this past weekend??" And I say, "Maybe you were dreaming." heh. This time 2- 2 1/2 cm and 40% effaced. She says this to me as if she's sorry it's not more. It's ok with me. I'm not one to belittle progress. Every little bit helps, right? Baby boy is still quite high though (of course I knew this already). She also asks me the induction question...."What if we make it to March 3rd...then what??" And I say, "Well, that's why I told you when I was 24 weeks that I don't agree with induction...because right now I'd take it tomorrow." HA! So we'll just see when we get there. I'd really like for God to choose his birthday, not me. Next week she'll strip my membranes which will feel oh so good.

So we'll go on for another week. I am completely exhausted but I can't fall asleep at night. My nasal congestion is getting worse and worse to the point of me sleeping propped on two pillows and a blanket. Comfy. I gained three pounds this week (which is really ok because I haven't gained any for so long) thanks to Valentine's day- an entire tub of peanut butter balls (thanks mom), a tin of chocolates (thanks B), and two pieces of cheesecake (one out to dinner and one at work). Not to mention all of the not sweet calories I've put into my body. Oh well...I'm done being careful.

M is still not quite right. Occasionally I get crazy worried about it, but today I'm feeling a little better about it. She's really tired- I appreciate the extra napping and all- it's really nice of her, but it makes me a little worried that it's been nearly a week and she's still kinda funny. It's just not the time for something to be really wrong with her. I should be thankful she doesn't have something awful though judging by the dr's office today.

That's all for now. Perhaps I'll snap a picture tonight or tomorrow for you.

Happy V Day

Late...heh. Well we made it through the puking. She puked every half hour to hour from 9 pm to 6 am. It was completely awful, but we made it. I had decided that I was probably going to have to take her to the hospital for dehydration as she had not peed or drank for so long, but at 6am I gave her some water and things started looking up. She kept that down so at 8 I got her up again and gave her some more. By 10 she was ready to get up and acting much more like her self. We hung out around home for V-day although we did have to go buy groceries- which I'll say was actually a good experience with her! I was really proud of the way she acted. Perhaps it was because she was tired... She slept quite a bit yesterday which was kinda nice for me. Though it really sucked having her sick, I am really thankful it happened BEFORE we had another baby. It would have been even more awful if I couldn't have been there for her. Also, she slept with me which was really sweet- I could get really addicted to it.
She still got to wear her cute new shirt though...it was adorable! Too bad no one really got to see it! Today she is still not feeling the best, although she did eat more than she did yesterday. She's not drinking her milk very good though- preferring water, and having some really nice diarrhea!
And he's still cooking! 37 weeks 4 days...No more pictures of my face...it's grossing me out. I started painting the shelf for his room tonight. I should get that finished this weekend and things will be much more in order!

Vomit

Well, we are experiencing our first puking...ick. Great timing. I have worked 4- 12 hour shifts in the last 5 days and I'm 37 and a half weeks pregnant. Nice. I got home from work tonight- M acting perfectly normal. B went out with Uncle K for his bday. Put M to bed around 8:30 or 8:45 and she started crying at about 9:15. I went up to check on her and thought- wow it stinks. And then it hit me- it's PUKE! It was awful. EVERYWHERE! I really didn't know what to do with all the chunks. (Yes, I know this is graphic). I took everything off her except her diaper and brought her back downstairs. We threw everything in the washer and I held her in the chair. I thought maybe we'd be lucky and it'd be something she ate, but she has puked about every 30 mins or so since then. It's heartbreaking. She wakes up suddenly screaming and just heaves and heaves. I wish I could make it better for her. At least there aren't any more chunks in it. Thank goodness we have 2 blankies. She screamed and screamed when I put one of them in the washer and pulled on the door until I found the other one. She'll only sleep if I'm holding her. I really really hope I don't start puking tomorrow...perhaps it would induce labor??? I was just telling someone the other day how she's never puked....I guess that's what I get!

Haircut

Well, I got the back of M's hair trimmed up today. I forgot to bring the good camera of course, so all we have are these dumb pics from my phone...but they're cute anyway. She sat in this little car chair and they put on a Baby Einstein for her. She was suspicious, but she was really good for it. She looks so much older now that her hair is short!

Couple of things

This is the logo for one of our friends I met through work- Gabi was a very special girl who only got to spend a few months here on earth with us. Her parents are amazing people and have started a foundation in her name. Check it out by clicking!

Went to the doctor today- full term!! Wow- he could come any time now. Well she checked and I am actually 1 1/2 cm dilated and 25% effaced! It doesn't really mean anything, but it took about 18 hours of labor to get this far the first time, so that's good, eh? It might not mean he'll be early, but at least when he does come he'll come faster. Everything else is good. I haven't gained any weight for 3 weeks which is an absolute miracle if you watch me eat...he's obviously eating everything up for me!
My friend Sara had her baby today by c-section. I called her just to see what was up (her due date was the 14th-Thursday). She said they had the baby and that it was a girl. I said, "What did you name her?" and she said, "We don't know yet, I just got out of recovery about 30 mins ago!" WHAT?! I didn't mean to interrupt! Everything is great with her- she was 7lbs 7oz- Sara pushed for 3 hours but it just wasn't going to happen- bummer!! How exciting! Makes it a little more real how fast everything is happening...

The weekend.

So I worked Sat and Sun. Saturday night I got home and asked M, "Did you climb on the chairs today???" And B says, "Yeah, actually she played in them quite a bit- I took some pictures."\
Silence ensues...
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.
.
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Hm...how do I respond to that one?! WHAT?! That's GREAT! All my struggles yesterday for nothing! He said he thought I felt like it was a lost cause, so he just let her. *sigh* Nothing is at a lost cause at this age, dear...
So today he had to start over as I'm sure I'll have to tomorrow too. Bummer.

B bought the crib mattress for little bro this weekend- M thought it was great fun to bounce on!
We have these tunnels that Aunt Casey got her- she likes to crawl in them.
These are from tonight - this is her little house that Delaney gave her. She peeks through the door and windows at us. Reading her fav book with Daddy. She says the sounds as we sing the song. Here she was saying "moo moo moo moo..."

Alright, so quit worrying already...

Things are fine around here...it had just gotten to the point of needing to voice some frustrations. After her hour in the crib today, I got her up and we took a shower and got dressed. Then she proceeded to eat EVERYTHING I gave her for lunch- very abnormal. For the rest of the day she still bothered the chairs, but listened to me when I told her get get down. Perhaps just a few more days of telling her no and doing time outs and she'll realize she's not going to win.

I think the hard thing is that I only have three weeks left with her. I wanted to be able to take her places and do things with her, but it's just too difficult. I learned early on from my friend Valerie that having a child is all about reorganizing your expectations of how you want things to go into how things are really going to be. So- I guess it's just not a good time for her. Right now she's just too busy and strong willed for me to be able to carry things out as perfectly as I'd planned...such is life.

Here are the things that constantly amaze and overjoy me about my daughter:
She LOVES to give kisses. She'd probably kiss the man standing next to me in the store if I told her to.
When I (or really anyone) walks in the door she gets a huge smile on her face and says "Haaaahhh" (Hi.) It's totally cute.
She thinks "mama" means "up."
She knows a MILLION animal sounds, but hardly any body parts.
She likes to drag things backwards.
She loves to bring us books and sit on our laps while we read/sing them to her.
Her giggles are awesome.
She claps for herself.
When I am getting her a cup of milk she sits down on the kitchen floor and stares right at me banging her feet in excitement. After I give it to her she lays flat on her back drinking it.
She gets totally excited when she sees her blanket and carries it around in her mouth.
When she sees a soft blanket she cuddles it, lays on the floor with it and says "nighnigh?"
She loves to dance. Even in her highchair.
She loves music as much as I do.
She loves to hide and then peek out at you and laugh.

Alright, so you get the picture. She's my everything...but sometimes even the most perfect thing can be overwhelming, eh?

She is wearing me out...

I love my daughter more than anything on this planet. When I look at here there is more joy in my heart than I ever thought possible, but right now she is nearly too much for me. I never really thought I would have a difficult child. I am strict on disciplining her and very consistent. She is testing me to the very edge of my limits. She is a smart child- I say that not to brag, but because it's oh so true. Sometimes I wish she weren't quite so smart. She understands VERY well when she is not supposed to be doing something. At this point in her life she has decided that it doesn't matter to her if she knows something is wrong- she'll do it anyway if that's what she feels like doing.

In the past when we didn't want her to do something we just removed that something from her world so we didn't have to deal with it. This is why we do not have an end table or lamp in our living area. If we reintroduced it at a later date she seemed over it and it wasn't an issue. Well now she has started climbing on the chairs and using them as a crutch to get to things she wants whether it be getting on top of the table, turning on the radio, or getting something off the counter. Well obviously this is an issue because I really don't want to explain to a physician that I work with every day how I was too tired and pregnant to teach my child not to climb on the chairs and table and now she has a brain bleed because she fell off on the wood floor. Today it is now 10 am and she has been in time out over 4 times. She will go to the chair, look to see if I'm coming, and then start climbing. Most of the time I catch her just when she's starting to touch the chair. When I begin to walk towards her she starts running away- obviously because she knows not to do it. So I get her, tell her no, we do not climb on the chair, take her into the living room and set her down. She then proceeds to run back into the dining area and start all over. This is exhausting. So- I started timeouts. I put her in the corner for one minute (because she's one), she sits there and looks at me, sometimes crying, after a minute I pick her up and again tell her, "we do not climb on the chairs," take her into the living room, set her down, and it all starts again. Tell me- what exactly am I doing wrong here?? The past few days I have just turned the chairs on their sides so she can't climb on them, but that's really not teaching her anything, is it? It's only saving my sanity when I really would rather teach her right from wrong.

It is not possible to take her places any longer. I tried to take her to Target yesterday for 10 minutes. She screams at the top of her lungs "ISHTHA" at everything we walk past and points or grabs. You would think that means "What's that" but it doesn't...it means "I WANT THAT." So when I don't give it to her, she starts screaming. She will NOT sit with her legs through the front of the cart---this has been for several months, so she sits sideways in the top of the cart. The only possible ways of keeping her still (ie from not crawling out of the cart and falling on her head) are 1) giving her cheerios (which for many of you who know me, I hate giving my child food for behavior or rewards....obviously) or 2) letting her play in my purse which works for a few minutes until she starts throwing all the contents out of the cart (and it's not really that easy for me to bend down and pick them all up). Therefore- this is not enjoyable. I can put her in the bottom of the cart which would be harder for her to crawl out of, but she wants to stand up then. I really wouldn't care, but it's not so safe. Just like our struggles with the bathtub, this takes endless repetition- "Mira, SIT DOWN," grabbing her arm and making her do it (because if you don't MAKE her do it then she's not going to). Then she screams- which is also pleasant for me and the other shoppers. I always said I would NOT be one of those people who stays in a store with a screaming child. Therefore you can see my dilemma- I guess we can no longer go to the store at this point in our lives. In another month it wouldn't matter anyway because it will be impossible, but I'd like to be able to finish a few things up right now without having to get a babysitter.

We cannot go out to eat. She'll eat the food sometimes now, but she will only sit in the highchair for about 10 minutes, so as that time approaches my anxiety goes through the roof at wanting the waitress to hurry the hell up because we have such a limited time. I took her to the zoo with some friends the other day and was totally embarrassed. She would sit in her stroller for awhile, but only if she had cheerios in her tray. If I got her out to look at something she would throw a screaming fit when I put her back in. If I let her walk she would climb on every fence or bench when everyone else was walking away. She is totally uninterested in the animals unless they are scurrying about frantically. Everyone else's kid is looking around pointing and playing, sitting in their strollers or walking/running ahead. Great. My kid's the bad one.

All of this makes me want to just sit and cry. Why, right now, is she being so difficult?? It's just not a good time for me. I realize this is the point- I'm sure she senses that things are going to change and she's acting out. I also have this theory that the terrible twos are here though she's barely one. She's pretty advanced in many ways (again, not to brag, I'd much rather have her delayed at this point). I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through this period. I feel awful for just wanting to get away from her most days when I'm home with her. I just really don't know how to channel her energy in a good way. I finally had to just put her in her crib this morning and shut the door. I really don't want to use her crib as punishment for her, but she likes it in there and I needed a break. She's currently talking to herself and playing. I need help.

Stuff

Here's the new bedroom set. We really like it. It finishes off the room!

Here's baby boy at 36 weeks! I think my face is getting fatter, but the scale isn't really showing it so who knows? I know I was this big at 40 weeks with M though- so we'll see how big this boy really is in a few weeks!! Nothing new to report from todays appt.M and I went to the zoo today with some friends from work. She is endlessly tiring. She doesn't like to sit in the stroller for long- she wants to run all around and climb on everything. That's fine I suppose, but it's not really that easy for me to chase her right now. She is not interested in the animals unless they are running all around. It was 70 degrees outside though so it was worth it to get outside for awhile.
So I need some creative help with the blog name. Mirabrooke just isn't going to do it for the two of them! Anyone have any ideas?? In case you didn't know, you can leave a comment here for me to see- just click at the bottom of the post on the word comments- any ideas are welcome!

wow

OMG we're in the 20's....AH!

Just some cute pics

Blogger is acting stupid for me tonight...anyway...This is a cute pic of M. She's chewing on one of our Great Aunt Maxine's necklaces. Our Uncle Skeeter passed away last Sunday and the funeral was Wednesday. My sister Molly flew in for a day or so which was nice because we got to see her! M was showing off like no other! I've never seen her do that before and it was totally cute. The funeral was good- we haven't had all of our cousins together like that for years. It was really nice to see everyone again. My dad is another story, but I don't feel like talking about that...

I took some pics of M in cloth for a lady that made these diapers for us. I need to post them for samples of her work for her. We are still exclusively using prefolds (with the exception of night time), but these prefolds are called prefitteds. A lady on the internet took some of my old fashioned diapers and cut them down and put elastic in them- they are SO easy to use- not to mention cute!! Even B will use them!! M loves to climb on this table in her room. Yes, I know it's in front of a window- the window is closed...

She made us this one with some owl fabric on the outside because it took a little longer than she thought!! YAY!
Little boy is hanging out. I know I owe you a good picture. I'll work on that tomorrow maybe. Our bedroom set came today too- I need to get pics of that up too! Stay tuned!