Overwhelmed- endings.

This has been a really hard week for me emotionally. I am so exhausted I can hardly keep my eyes open. My last day in the PICU was yesterday- it was pretty hard. I finally feel confident and in my element there and now I'm leaving. Cleaning out my locker and saying good-bye was hard. We went out for dinner and drinks after work and that was really fun. I was flattered that so many people went. It's hard to know if people are really sad that you're leaving or if they're just being nice. I guess it doesn't truly matter either way, but it would be nice to be missed. I know this is the right thing for me and for my family, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I am still getting ready for my race- it's 2 weeks away. My feet hurt so bad I'm soaking them in ice water (which doesn't feel great in itself). I don't really know what to do about it. After my race I'm going to take probably 2 weeks and do just pilates/yoga/swim/bike to let my feet rest and recover. I think I would really enjoy running at this point if nothing hurt. Tonight I go for my first open water swim in the lake. I'm nervous but I think after I get a couple of those under my belt I'll feel pretty confident and be able to relax a little bit.

Today was my last day of my boot camp class since I can't take it next session due to the new job. That was a serious bummer too. I have really grown to love the girls that take the class and of course, our trainer. It's been so nice to have that class to go to and feel so great afterward. I'm not going to lie though- it'll be nice to sleep past 5:03 am some days.

It just feels like so many things are changing- it's hard. I internalize my stress and then EAT to help with it- NOT GOOD. Today after boot camp I stopped for a coffee (usually black with splenda). What did I get? A SCONE and a light FRAPPUCINO! WHAT?! This is my biggest problem. I loose control of myself and just start telling myself it's ok to eat whatever because I'm stressed and it'll make me feel better, but it doesn't- it just makes me feel like an idiot for doing it. Oh well- this too shall pass eh?

On the other hand, the kids are doing really well. Mira is talking so much like a grown up it's scary.

This is our conversation the other day:
M- "Griffin got his hair cut yesterday."
Me- "No, not yesterday, last week but yes, he did."
M- "NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo it WAS yesterday- DONT SAY THAT. It was Yesterday!"
Me- "Oh, sorry- I guess it was."

Where she comes up with this stuff is lost to me. She has serious conversations with ridiculous words included. She used the word "eventually" the other day. Weird. Bedtime is going so much better. I actually requested some library BOOKS the other day! A whole new world has opened up to me now that I have gained over 2 hours in the evening. It's amazing.
G is growing- I think. I'm not too concerned about it now. He eats ok and drinks his milk, so he'll get there eventually. The kids are doing so much better now that they are at Pepper's more often. There's no crying when they get dropped off and they're starting to get a real schedule there. I think it's a lot easier for her too.
That's all for now!