Tipsy-ish thoughts

So we had a really fun dinner party tonight. We had 8 adults and 4 kids. Everyone thought (or at least they said so) the briscuit was awesome- Thanks Ryanne!! I thought it turned out great. It was nice to get friends and family together for no real reason other than food and fun. The kids loved playing and we had a good time conversing. It's strange how a glass and a half of wine can do me in!

I haven't pumped since Sunday and I'm doing great. I think my body finally got the clue that we're done breastfeeding. I only have 3 bags of milk left for tomorrow- it's pretty sad that he won't get any more. There are so many emotions that go along with moving to the next stage of life with your children.

So last night I fell asleep with M at about 730 and slept until about 7 this morning. It's hard at this age (2). I want so much to be there for her every second. Especially when she wants me to hold her or stay by her, but then again I want to do what's right for her. Right now she is in this stage where she wants us by her and holding her to fall asleep. Sometimes it's just not possible. We have two kids now and we need to be there for both of them. Sometimes I have things I want to do, but sometimes I do want to just lay and hold her and sing to her. The problem is that she doesn't get that sometimes thing. With M if you do it once then it's law and you're required to do it forever. B brought up last night that he wished he could just lay with her sometimes because she's not always going to want us to. So now I bring up something that I don't think most parents ever think of- what if in 6 months, a year, two years, whatever...what if they tell me she has cancer and she won't live? Will I regret every time I made her cry for me at night? Will I regret not holding her every second I could? The decisions you make as a parent are so difficult. You want to do what is right for your child in the long run, but also, you want to take care of yourself and appreciate every second you have with them. I know its not normal/healthy for me to have thoughts like these, but I can't help it. I actually SEE those parents suffering through things like that. I hear and see their pain. It's awful. I thank God every day that it's not me. I love that child so much. I am incredibly lucky to have two of the most wonderful children on earth. It's crazy to think that some day we may add another child to this mix. My heart is so full right now. My children are my everything. It's amazing that my heart is big enough to hold the both of them. They are truly everything I have ever dreamed of having and more.