Not much

Nothing too exciting happening here. We finally got our closet redone and it's SO much more functional! 

It snowed here this week a couple of times and then today and his weekend 50-60. Oh MISSOURI. It's nice though to have some reprieve from winter now and then. Be able to get out and about some. 

Whole30 take 2 in the books!

So after the holidays I decided to jump back into whole30. My body needed it.  I had several people interested in trying it with me, so I decided I had to do it full on in the spirit of doing it as a group. Well, it's day 32. Done. After my first whole30 I fell HARD. It was fall, and then it was holiday time, and man, it was like whole 30 never happened. This time I want to reintroduce foods systematically as recommended and really reap more of the benefits of the program long term.  So far it's been good.

One friend asked me today, "Why do you do this food torture thing again?" But that's just it- it doesn't feel like food torture to me.  Sure, I miss some things. I do get tired of the planning, the chopping, the washing, etc. But there's this amazing benefit. I feel good (digestively speaking) nearly all the time. I eat til I'm FULL. Like really full, at every meal and still I lose weight. I eat too many calories and fat grams for this to be true, but it is.  I eat things that taste delicious, like comfort foods.  Filling big meals and still I become leaner as time goes on.  And for someone who LOVES big huge plates of delicious food, this is good news, and VERY appealing.

I don't plan to do another whole 30 though. It IS really restrictive. I do plan on though to make it into more of a lifestyle thing.  From here I need to find the ideal diet FOR ME and follow it from here on. No more crash diets to maintain my weight then falling off the wagon and dragging behind it for a few months only do do another crash diet.  Whole 30 can be used that way. I've recently read a few articles about this and it really hit home.  I need to learn how to make treats just that. "Treats" In one of the articles I read it talks about being an adult and how if you really want it, you need to admit that your diet needs to be good- like 90% of the time. And yeah, it sucks. Suck it up, buttercup. A treat shouldn't be something you indulge in more than once a month or so. ONCE A MONTH. Not handfuls of m and m's every single time I enter my mother in law's house.  So we'll see how I do. I don't expect it to be easy, and I DO expect to fail. I'll pick myself up and start again.

Fresh Air!

Griffin participated in the pinewood derby for boyscouts with brooks. They worked really hard on his car. The Friday before they were messing with the car and dropped it. The fin broke. He was devastated. Being the amazing mother I am, I searched the floor for the pieces, super glued them back on, and painted over it. 

He ended up winning best car design!!!!! He got a trophy and was SO PROUD. 

Harry's favorite toys are brooms of all kinds. 

He's pretty darned funny these days. 

He knows it. 

He loves to play outside. 

Sully has decided to ride his bike! He is doing great! 

A long weekend

Last weekend Brooks went out of town and the kids had a long weekend. I worked Friday night and the grandmas covered the kids. After work I went home and slept about 3 hours and headed to Mira's game. I was off saturday night and since I don't get to see a lot of their games, I have to take every chance I can get. Mira did great. The girls are so much more organized than the boys are.  She does a great job.  After her game the kids went with Lana and I went to run some errands. I got groceries and headed home to put together something for dinner later. At 330 we headed out to Griffin's game.  He is a good hustler and also does a good job.

That night we were left on our own. It's hard for me to look at them all together sometimes and realize how many of them there are. I can't believe some people have so few kids haha.

My litte guy is just the best. I wish he could stay little.

Sunday was a GREAT day weather wise so we packed up and went to the PACKED zoo. It was so fun! We stayed most of the day until closing time. We got to see lots of animals and the kids had a great time.

So good to be outside.

Harry was SO TIRED. He refused to nap in the stroller or the carrier. Silly boy.

Monday was again a great day. It was an awesome long weekend. I called a friend and we all went to the zoo to play a couple of hours before Daddy returned. The park was also PACKED and we kept loosing the kids- but we all made it out alive! 

I picked up some frames to finally finish off Harrison's room. I am really happy with the result. I got his sign from Etsy.

I worked Tuesday and Wednesday I think Sully was glad to have me to himself again.  I had a doctor's appointment and he wanted to go, so we left Harry with grandpa to play and nap. When we were done Harry was sleeping so Sully and I went to lunch.  He played in the playplace and I sat and read a book. It was pretty awesome.

Thursday we hung out and Friday it's back to work. I'm picking up several extra shifts these days to get control of some bills that are the result of overshopping and also because they are offering a special bonus to work extra.  I'd rather work the days now and stay home more in the summer, but man, I'm tired! 

Where did she go?

I feel like the last few weeks I have been going through a lot of changes. Some good, some maybe not so good? Getting of facebook- definite positive. Getting a handle on internet shopping- another positive. Controlling my food choices through whole30- great change. Reading more- positive.

But there's this one that's really messing with  my psyche. For the last 4-8 weeks I have been really struggling to work out in any form. I've been doing the occasional yoga, a class here and there at the gym, and running MAYBE 2 miles at a time on my treadmill, but it's all been very inconsistent and few and far between. For the last 6 years I have logged daily workouts never going more than 3 days max without an intense workout of some sort. I do lots of things- run, bike, swim, crossfit type, beach body, yoga, pilates, whatever floats my boat at the moment. Lately? Working out is the LAST thing on my mind. I've been really struggling with WHY and how to get back my motivation. My weight is under control but I feel my muscle mass dwindling and my tone declining quickly. Also, my workouts have a huge effect on my moods.

Today it was 60 degrees in KC and sunny. All morning I sat and watched tv, read a little, thought about laying down, emptied the dishwasher, and was honestly a little bored. At 1100 I took a library book back to the library and saw people running. RUNNING. Why didn't I think of that? What is wrong with me? Where did the ME inside me go? In the past I would lay the baby down and RACE to do my workout. I would look at the weather forecast and scheme to how I could get outside. The past few weeks my neighbor will text to go to the gym and I come up with excuse after excuse.

So I found a few minutes after my nap and I did go for an outside run. Let me tell you it was ugly. It was slow and painful. And about 1.5 miles in the "outside running headache" hit me and I remembered why I never want to go. For months I have a horrid headache after I run outside. I haven't figured that one out yet- maybe it's because it's so infrequent? But I found that little place of solitude. Out in the fresh air, sun, sweat. Just me and my thoughts. I miss it. You don't get that when you take a class at the gym. That kind of therapy is only found on the run, bike, or swim when you're alone. 

I will admit I've tried to get back on the horse and either I or one of my children gets sick and messes it up and then I really struggle to start again. I'm tired- I've been trying to work on my sleep habits, and I've seen a few doctors on my chronic fatigue, but I have determined it's because I work nights, and that's just the way it's going to have to be for awhile.  I looked at another job and I was going to loose over $25 an hour. Yes that's for real. Not a joke at all. $40 grand a year less salary. Sorry, but this isn't an option. Not when I actually LIKE my job. 

So I'm trying to find her. I'm not sure where she's hiding but I know that the me I'm searching for has to be in there somewhere. I toyed with signing up for a half marathon this spring, but it was $80  and I would have to trade out of my work days to do it. It just seemed like too much work and money. We'll see. I do have plenty of accountability partners that know me well and assure me that it's just a phase, and that my desires will return. We'll see. But for now- I'm feeling a little lost. 

Sick bug

This week has been trying. I worked Sunday night for a little extra cash. The boys went to a friend's house to play which was AWESOME so I could sleep monday. Tuesday morning H woke up puking. All day monday he sat with me or slept. He never wants his paci outside of his crib, but this week he's had it a lot.

He just looks so big sitting there!

Such a sad bug.

I have to admit I've been soaking up his love. He never wants to lay on me anymore.

He and Sully are quite the friends these days.

G lost his second tooth! They were both crazy loose so I'm not surprised.

Today Sully woke up at 3 am and puked all over my bathroom floor- which is carpeted......I know. So we stayed home again today. He has acted fine all day long, but H is still throwing up about 1-2 times a day. Sometimes he will keep food and milk down, sometimes not.  It's a tossup. I'm starting to think  maybe he's constipated instead of still puking from a virus. I'm starting to feel a bit iffy myself. We'll see where that goes. I don't really have the time to get the stomach flu this weekend! Brooks is out of town this weekend so I only work Friday. Still trying to decide what we should do with ourselves on the long weekend. Should be nice weather so maybe the zoo! 

Resurrection

So I'll resurrect the blog for you.  :) I'll show you what you really want to see- the kid pics, and then give you my thoughts. H is 1! 18 lbs and a midget, but our best eater yet! Too bad his milk allergy limits him! He's a tornado and totally exhausting. He is SO MUCH like Mira was- demanding attention at all times.  He is also the cutest ever right now. Gives kisses with is open mouth and tongue, He likes to hide (see picture) especially when he has something he knows he shouldn't.  He RACES for the pantry when he hears it open, crawls as fast as possible up the stairs when the gate is down. He's something else. 

Griffin FINALLY lost a tooth!! WOOHOO! Mira had lost 7 by this age! GEEZ. He was pretty stoked. 

Here's another pic of H- always trying to get things open, carry things around, whatever he can do that he shouldn't- that's what he's doing.

 

So I quit Facebook. For about the last year I had been wanting to quit.  I have a few friends not on there and I was always secretly, or not so secretly, jealous about it.  I have a terribly addictive personality- in the last year I have taken FB off my phone SEVERAL times in effort to spend less time on it, but it never lasts long- partially because at work I would add it back at lunch.  

1. FB makes me ignore my kids- something I'm always ashamed of, but never can seem to do anything about.  

2. FB makes me spend money- there are ads, you see neat things other people have, you get new ideas, etc. I spend too much money and it's all online shopping- less time online, less money spent.

3. FB makes me annoyed- I'm pretty sure everyone gets this.

4. FB keeps me awake at night- I can't seem to put it down, You just want to look at one thing, and then it leads to another and another. 

I always had an excuse about why I couldn't get off. Family wants to see pics, or I log my workouts there, there's tons of whole30 support there, that's how all people communicate these days, and on and on and on. Well this year I decided that all these excuses are keeping me from becoming the mom and then person I want to be. If someone really wants to see my kids- they are welcome. I want REAL LIFE see you in person friends. I don't want internet friends. I want REAL relationships and connections.  So far I have had zero regrets. I feel free. I feel calm, patient, and focused.  I feel present in the moment at home. I haven't thought about internet shopping once in the last week.  I have talked to friends via text or phone more than ever this week. I HAVE READ BOOKS. I have spent time organizing my home. I am on my way to becoming a happier more fulfilled person. For the first few days I felt like I had all these secrets. It was laughable really. I was doing all these

things and going about my life and NO ONE KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING. Isn't that weird? It's also weird that Sunday I wanted to take Sully to urgent care but I felt like I should get a consensus from others first- but without FB how would I do that? Wait, what? Since when am I unable to trust my own decisions and judgement? How did that happen? Anyway, so far so good. I am beyond happy without Facebook. Why oh why didn't I do it sooner?