Finally, a picture!

Sorry there haven't been any pictures for awhile. I finally decided to take some and she was a brat about it trying to grab the camera. Here she is clicking her tongue at me: She hasn't been feeling too well today. Last night when I got home I heard her coughing- sounds like croup. It didn't keep her up last night at all surprisingly, but today she was really grouchy and tired this morning, didn't eat all that well, and then I ended up laying her down again tonight from about 5-6:30. She's just worn out! I think she's getting more teeth- yes, more...She's had a runny nose lately, but not RSV runny, just occasionally runny, and she's chewing and slobbering like crazy! Aren't we done yet?! Just some more shoe obsession pictures...So the doctor update...Well, Dr Morris still thinks baby boy is breech. We thought initially he had turned...and I'm still not convinced that he hasn't, but we'll see in a couple of weeks. I am still measuring a whole week big and she can't feel a head down my my pubic bone, so she thinks he's probably still breech. Dang. I think he spends a lot of time sideways or transverse. If we still think he's breech in two weeks we'll schedule an ultrasound to see what the situation is really. If it shows he's breech then we'll talk about turning him- I asked if my placenta would be a problem and she said maybe. Turning them doesn't always work either, so we would need to decide what the right decision is for us.

If he stays breech the entire time we're still not required to schedule a c-section like I feared- we can wait until I go into labor and then do a check at that point by ultrasound. Obviously if I go into labor and he's breech when we get there, I'll have a c-section, but lots of babies turn at the last minute, so I'd rather do it that way than risk having a scheduled section before he might turn on his own anyway. So in two weeks we should know more.

I know B would like a c-section so he can plan things better...but I'd rather not have my guts cut open! I think most of my desire for a vaginal birth has a lot to do with M- I don't want to have to worry about picking her up and being able to care for her right after I have the baby. Plus I'm sure the stairs in our house would be a bear. I appreciate so much that she's not pushing me into doing something right now- I'm feeling much more relaxed about it! That's all for now I guess!

New Element

Wow...I added a new ticker to the side of the page for Baby boy....50 freaking days! Wow...I am not sure I can get over that. What if he comes early!? God help us- I hope we're ready. I am completely miserable all night long...I wasn't miserable at all until like the last week with M- They kept telling me I would be because I was so fat. This time I'm not so fat and I feel awful! Great. I will say I'm ready for THAT to be over- but I have a lot to do before 50 days! We did buy a car seat today so that's good I guess. I need to wash everything up, get the bouncy, swing, and bassinet out of the basement and wash them up, I've still got to make him some little blankies. I wanted to get M's picture book completed but I cannot seem to work on it for the life of me. I've got to get a bunch more stuff for breastfeeding. We don't have a crib. We don't have crib bedding. Does any of this matter?? Not really- we have everything we need to care for him until we get things arranged.

These boots are made for walkin'

So M got a bunch of toys, clothes, and shoes from Delaney. She is somewhat obsessed with shoes right now. She still throws them if she's in her car seat, but she loves to wear them around the house and put on our shoes. There were these cowboy boots in the box- she can't get over it. They're a size too big, but she can wear them and walk around just fine. It's hilarious. She was seriously pissed when B wouldn't let her put them on after her bath, so we just put them on over her footed jammies.I know it's only been a couple of weeks and I've been doing every 3 or so...I only post this pic because I'm proud of myself. When I was 19 wks pg with M we went on a trip to NC which I bought these Nike pants for...well...when we were there I discovered that I couldn't fit my fat legs into them. Well here I am 32 weeks and they fit just fine! YAY! I am also wearing my wedding rings still with no problem. I can't remember when I had to stop with M because they were separate...I know I had to go to just the band really early and then later on I had to get a different ring altogether. So far so good! I had to share. I think the boy may have turned upside down now, but we'll see next Tuesday. I didn't feel it happen, he just seems to be lying differently. I feel completely huge. Too bad the only pic I have of me pg with M is at 39 weeks. Nothing to compare it to!

Sad News

So I hit and killed a dog today...a little black and white Pomeranian. It was one of the most awful things I can remember happening to me emotionally. I was driving out of my subdivision about a block or two away from the house. I saw a lady walking a big dog on a leash on the sidewalk and BAM this little runt dashed past her and out in front of me. There was absolutely nothing I could have done about it, but you replay the situation over and over again and try and think of things you could have done to prevent it. I was probably driving too fast (about 30 or so which is too fast for our subdivision) but as the lady across the street from us said- "we all do!" I was talking to my mom on the phone at the time...but, I was paying attention- I can still see that lady walking her dog on the sidewalk. She was actually worried about me and my state for driving!

I hit her hard (he probably only weighed 10 lbs or less so it wouldn't have taken much). Luckily I didn't run over her so there was no blood or guts, but her neck was all bent and she couldn't move anything. It was amazingly sad and disturbing. Of course I was sobbing uncontrollably when the man walked around the side of his house and saw what happened. The little baby was whining...I didn't know really what to do. Pick her up? The nurse part of me said no because it might kill her---although I am positive she was going to have to be taken somewhere and put down. The man was nice enough I guess- he wasn't angry or yelling at me. He obviously loved her so much. He picked her up so gently with tears in his eyes....he said something to me although I can't remember what and then started walking back to his house.

What do you do after that? LEAVE? It seems so wrong! Even when you hit a person you have to stay and exchange info and stuff...I just had to drive away. It's very empty feeling. WHY OH WHY do people let their dogs run around? So people like me can hit them and anguish over it?!
I love animals so much. I have seen this dog so many times running around in its yard and the street around- I feel like I should offer them some money for a fence or at least an invisible one. Do I call them? Send them a card? Bake cookies? I just feel so awful for them.

Anyway- M and I went down to Overland Park to pick up her pictures from Elizabeth and then we met B for lunch at Old Chicago. After that we went to my friend Valerie's house to play with M's friend Allie (they are one day apart and less than a lb different in size). I love watching them interact. They seem to understand each other. When they are looking at each other and talking you wonder what they think. Allie doesn't walk yet- it's so obvious that she could if she wanted to but she just absolutely doesn't care. God is probably trying to teach Val a lesson through it- it's so frustrating! M is such a good listener when we're out. She would start to climb their stairs and I would just have to say Mira NO- GET DOWN. And she would! I'm so proud of her sometimes. Here. of course, we have the same thing happen dailyi and she just stares at me like- whatever mom.

Well, since over an hour ago I was falling asleep downstairs and here I still sit- it's time for bed.

The Play Box

What we have discovered is that M doesn't have a TOY box...she has a PLAY box. She loves to climb in there and play. It's seriously cute. The sad part is that she only does that because she's not big enough to reach over the side and get toys out, but the good part is that the toys are much more contained for us! HA!

Peanut in a Shell

So I got this peanut shell sling for Christmas- really for the new baby, but it is supposed to be used up until 36 lbs. M fits in it well. Obviously it will fit me better when I'm not pregnant. M gets pretty fussy for awhile when she wakes up and doesn't want to be put down, so we tried it out today. M is transitioning to one nap a day which sometimes sucks. She was really really tired by the time I put her down at 1230, then she woke up screaming at 130 for about 10 mins and slept for another hour. Two hours isn't bad for a kid who's never slept for me to begin with. I work tomorrow but am off for 5 after that, so hopefully we'll have time to get it worked out well.You can see the demonstration of hands up like...what are we doing?! Today we didn't do much. There are lots of things I want to do, but most cost money, so I made myself stay home. M went over to Casey's and played while I went to the gym to renew our yearly membership and work out for awhile. I really need to go down and start thinking about cooking something for dinner, but I'd rather cut my fingers off than do that right now, so I think I'll wait awhile.

Sorry, no pictures...

No pictures this time...just thoughts. You're supposed to have thoughts around New Year's, right? I haven't taken a single pic of M since we've been home. I worked Fri, Sat, Sun, off Mon, and worked yesterday, so there really hasn't been time! I also have no idea where B put my memory card adapter, so there's really no point anyway. God help him if he's lost it...I can't find it anywhere! 9 or so more weeks to go until we add to this family. At my appt the other day there was a newborn that screamed the entire time and I thought, "Oh man, what is M going to think about that?!" It's definitely going to be strange.

She has such a personality. She now thinks "mama" means up because of what I've taught her. She goes up to everyone and says mama so they'll hold her. If you ask a question she holds her hands out palm up like, "I dunno!" She is learning what a cow says, but can't really say "moo" very well. It's pretty cute. My fav is "all done." In this high pitched voice she says, "Aaaahhhh duh!" She's allowing us to read her books more and more. That's really nice. I love it when she brings me one and then backs her butt up top sit on my lap.

It's been an amazing last year with her watching her grow, that's for sure. I am really excited to do it again and I'm getting more and more excited to do it with a boy. I get nervous about whether or not I'll know what to do with him! I need a mama's boy since my girl doesn't seem to want anyone to love on her!

He's been very quiet in there the past few days. I'm trying not to worry about it. He is still breech- which I knew but haven't been worried about. I forget when
M turned but I know it was late compared to most babies. No one really cared at that OB practice either. Well, she told me that if he doesn't turn in about 3 weeks we'll have to start talking turning in the OR....crap!! Then I realized that my placenta is anterior (in the front) and I'm pretty sure that's a contraindication for turning manually because they risk abruption of the placenta. My friend Amanda had a scheduled c-section in September because of this. They scheduled her section at 32 weeks. NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I simply do NOT want a c-section! He's just got to figure it out! You would think with the horror of my last labor that I would be excited at the prospect of this...but let me explain. First, I do believe that God should choose our birthdays. There is a part of me that thinks- wow a week early would be great, but not truly what I want. I think there is something very special about the day he chooses for us. Also, I think that for my mental health I need to know that it can be different. That I can have a baby and it can be pleasant. That my body CAN do the right thing. I also need to know that my doctor can listen to me. Not to mention that if I have a section I can't have Dr. Morris deliver me because she doesn't do them. I think if he doesn't turn soon my anxiety is going to go through the roof. I am just worried he's too big (I feel he's much bigger than M was, and I am measuring a week ahead where I always measured a week or two behind with her). Of course of course, I want us both to be safe and I will do the right thing for both of us, yada yada...but he'll figure it out, right? I'm sure in a couple of weeks I'll be telling you all is ok. Plenty of babies turn late....

There is so much to do before he comes...I sometimes can't fathom it, but I know it will all happen in time. We'd be fine if we just get a car seat. I think I will order that in a week or two and then all else can come later. We have enough clothes now to last a few days at least. I should probably make a list which would help calm my OCD. Alright- time for me to go take a nap as M has finally fallen asleep!! I'll keep looking for my memory card adapter for you!