Learning to fly

Yep- that's my kitchen sink. Isn't it pretty? So shiny. I have discovered Flylady.com. I spent an hour (yes an hour) cleaning and shining my kitchen sink this afternoon and then another 5 or 10 minutes before bed. I used a toothbrush, bleach, hot water, soft scrub, a scrubber sponge, the bar keeper's friend, and a lot of elbow grease. So you're asking, what the heck is flylady? Well, I'll tell you. Basically it helps you get your life under control. I do need this. I have a bit of a routine, but I'm not great at following it. I'm getting ahead of myself, let me give you some background.

I am obsessive compulsive. I play it up, but it's really quite mild. I don't wash my hands a million times a day, check the stove 50 times before turning in, etc. Basically, I become depressed when I find myself not in control of most situations. I do take Prozac to help me go with the flow. On soap box- if you find yourself depressed please humble yourself and see a specialist- your depression may be caused by something else and easily solved. Off soap box- So anyhow, flylady basically helps you form routines and plans to help you be in control of your life. What more could someone with OCD ask for?! A blog I frequent mentioned this about a week ago and I shrugged it off, but in boredom one day decided to check it out. It's amazing! We'll see if I can follow through, but I think it could work for me. I don't plan on taking it quite as far as it can go, but I just need some help working on my routines and schedules. Since I went to weekend option I have a plan for each day- some small tasks that help me keep up with cleaning, laundry, etc. I usually get them done, but I don't stress if I miss a day or two (thanks prozac old friend). I've been pretty inconsistent of late and I am needing something to help me manage a little better.

I forgot to mention last night in my exhaustion why the flylady seemed to speak so clearly to me. I have long had an obsession with the sink. I won't touch it. I hate it. It's the dirtiest most disgusting place on earth. Everything that touches it or lays in there I barely touch with my fingertips as I load it in the dishwasher. I won't push anything into the garbage disposal with my hand- I have to use a utensil of some sort. Dirty dishes in it cannot have water in them or I'll gag. I HATE a wet sponge or cloth in the sink- it makes me want to gag and I'll barely touch it with my fingertips to pick it up and then I throw it to the side so I don't have to touch it until it's dry. So- now you know about one of my few OCD tendencies. The sink. SO- since the flylady wants me to keep the sink obsessively clean- I think that's right up my alley.

Weekend option is great because it's very easy to do "this" on Mondays, "this" on Tuesdays, and so on. So- flylady starts with shining your sink. Isn't it gorgeous? It really sets the tone for neatness. It makes me smile. It also makes me not want to eat or drink ANYTHING because I might have to mess it up. Our house is so difficult because there are no walls to hide the clutter. So- I have to go to bed now, but check out the flylady. Especially you, Ryanne. We can by fly partners. It seems right up your alley.

Tipsy-ish thoughts

So we had a really fun dinner party tonight. We had 8 adults and 4 kids. Everyone thought (or at least they said so) the briscuit was awesome- Thanks Ryanne!! I thought it turned out great. It was nice to get friends and family together for no real reason other than food and fun. The kids loved playing and we had a good time conversing. It's strange how a glass and a half of wine can do me in!

I haven't pumped since Sunday and I'm doing great. I think my body finally got the clue that we're done breastfeeding. I only have 3 bags of milk left for tomorrow- it's pretty sad that he won't get any more. There are so many emotions that go along with moving to the next stage of life with your children.

So last night I fell asleep with M at about 730 and slept until about 7 this morning. It's hard at this age (2). I want so much to be there for her every second. Especially when she wants me to hold her or stay by her, but then again I want to do what's right for her. Right now she is in this stage where she wants us by her and holding her to fall asleep. Sometimes it's just not possible. We have two kids now and we need to be there for both of them. Sometimes I have things I want to do, but sometimes I do want to just lay and hold her and sing to her. The problem is that she doesn't get that sometimes thing. With M if you do it once then it's law and you're required to do it forever. B brought up last night that he wished he could just lay with her sometimes because she's not always going to want us to. So now I bring up something that I don't think most parents ever think of- what if in 6 months, a year, two years, whatever...what if they tell me she has cancer and she won't live? Will I regret every time I made her cry for me at night? Will I regret not holding her every second I could? The decisions you make as a parent are so difficult. You want to do what is right for your child in the long run, but also, you want to take care of yourself and appreciate every second you have with them. I know its not normal/healthy for me to have thoughts like these, but I can't help it. I actually SEE those parents suffering through things like that. I hear and see their pain. It's awful. I thank God every day that it's not me. I love that child so much. I am incredibly lucky to have two of the most wonderful children on earth. It's crazy to think that some day we may add another child to this mix. My heart is so full right now. My children are my everything. It's amazing that my heart is big enough to hold the both of them. They are truly everything I have ever dreamed of having and more.

Santa Experience

This morning we went to Bass Pro Shop to get our Santa picture. I had heard it was a good place to go and it was. We were the only people there so we talked to him before we did it to get them warmed up. M was not impressed and really didn't want to do it at all, but we bribed her with Candy canes. G was terrified of him and was screaming terribly in the pic before this one. All in all, I thought it was a pretty decent picture. They're both saying, "Seriously mom- this is dumb."

After that we went to Independence Center and the kids played around a bit before coming home. I put a briscuit in before we left and OH MY my house smells DELICIOUS! I'm having a bunch of people over tonight to help me eat it since I know Brooks won't. A 10 lb briscuit would last me about a year frozen. I am hoping it tastes as good as it smells.

I've been thinking a lot about how motherhood teaches you to get over yourself. You have all of these plans in place about how things will be- even the second time. For example, I was thinking how I would make all G's baby food because if he'd never had the jarred stuff he'd probably like real food and veggies more, right? WRONG. G still will barely eat anything at all, so all that time and energy I wasted making his purees? Wasted. Not just that- lots of things...motherhood is really good at putting you in your place, teaching you to let go, and making you go with the flow. Prozac is pretty good at that too.

Dodged the bullet

Well- our fears were relieved this morning when we learned that B gets to keep his job. I don't even feel disappointed about not getting to go to weekend option for some reason. I think I am just happy to not have the weight of supporting my family entirely on my shoulders. I am kind of in the mode of working extra now so hopefully I'll keep it up for awhile to get us some things we desire. Now G can get a new car seat (since he's growing) and we can keep saving up for my VAN!! WOOHOO! heh.

It's a winter wonderland here- I think we have about 3-4 inches on the driveway right now and it's still snowing. It's about 2 degrees so no playing outside for us! Grandma Lana took M to see Addison's school Christmas play this morning- not sure if she's coming back or not- depends on the roads. Doesn't M look so cute ready for the program? Not thrilled with the picture taking. G and I are here changing sheets and finishing up laundry (and blogging). He's so animated when he's by himself. G showing off his new body. Doesn't he look so old in this picture? He's so close to walking but he's been nearly walking for a couple of months now. He'll probably be late at the rate he's going. He's so fast crawling I think walking would irritate him.This is about the only view we are getting of M lately. She's much to busy coloring and "writing her name" to talk to us. She knows that her name is "M-I-R-A" but she wouldn't have a clue what the letters actually looked like if she saw them. She'll say, "I wite my name. M, I, R, A." Then she'll make a squiggly line. Pretty impressive if you ask me. Sadly- she's definitely right handed- there's no doubt about it.

Snow Bunnies

So tonight after leaving work I felt very accomplished. I worked 4 out of the last 5 days and I am completely exhausted, but I feel good about it. I can't wait to get to bed! I have missed the kids so much! G has been in bed both nights this weekend when I got home :( It's nice to not have a ton to do when I get here, but I just miss him! Not much going on this week- I will try to get an extra shift in at some point. I still need to take the kids to sit on Santa's lap.
G playing with his blocks last week. Sweet baby feet. I love them so.Here are the pics from last week in the snow. Turned out pretty cute I thought!Whoa Daddy slow down!G in his cute 0-6 month snow suit! heh.M likes to sit on the potty- she's actually tinkled in it twice, but she still has no clue what it feels like when she needs to go. Oh well. Still cute. Apparently she likes People Magazine too...

Progress

So for a month now (Nov 9th-Dec 10th) I've been charting my calories/exercise and staying right around 2000. I've been walking/running in the basement on our new treadmill. So I've lost 8.4lbs!!! I am feeling really great. I would like to loose about 5 more- 10 max, but my clothes are fitting and I'm pretty proud of my progress. No more embarassment. I've been through a funeral, a birthday party, and Thanksgiving all in this month's time (all great excuses to eat tons)- pretty impressive if you ask me! I am just hoping not to gain anything through Christmas.

I am now pretty much done pumping breastmilk for G. I did pump this morning before work, but only because I didn't want to have to pump this afternoon. I don't think I'll probably need to pump tonight before bed. It's a feeling of real freedom, but also of loss. Time to move forward I suppose.

I am probably going to be stepping up and working 4 days a week for awhile. I'm not looking forward to it, but I'm feeling it's going to be quite necessary. I think I may start by adding tomorrow to the list. I hate feeling like I never see the kids....oh well. You do what you have to do, eh? I've never felt like I couldn't really afford whatever I just wanted on a whim until now. It's a pretty strange feeling and one I hope doesn't last very long. Without going into great detail...we could use some prayers/ good thoughts for financial stability.

We got a tiny bit of snow yesterday. Even though it wasn't much, we got the kids out in it last night. I took some pictures- I'll try to post them soon!

Productivity and problem solved!!

Meet- the basement. Everyone knows we have WAY too many toys to fit upstairs, so occasionally we take stuff down and pile it up. We have extra furniture and an extra computer down there too and my beloved treadmill. I have been going down every night (almost) after the kids are in bed and walking. It's been great, however, some times I feel so exhausted. I have been wishing I could do it during the day, but the basement hasn't really been what you would call "kid friendly." I tried to keep G pinned up with the baby gate and some toys and he wouldn't have it. Well, today I got busy and made the basement a new place to play!! I brought the little tikes house inside for M- which she loves, and figured out a way to cover up all the cords and things the kids shouldn't get into using plywood, peg board, the superyard XT, and M's crib rails. Here's what we've got now!!! I used several blankets and some cuts of fleece to cover all the cement where they would be playing. At a garage sale this fall I obtained some Barney VHS tapes for the basement. I was able to get in a mile and a half while M played and G slept!! WOOHOO!! I'll still have to walk some tonight, but not for nearly so long! I'm pumped!